Somewhere over the rainbow (Hah, I couldn't think of a better title 0_o)
It’s like literally 2 in 3 people have “sex on the membrane.” Like I see it EVERYWHERE…no channel is safe…no store is safe…no school is safe…it’s like an EPIDEMIC!!!! 0_o I mean I was relieved as hell when I was watching “Pride and Prejudice” a couple of days ago. There was so much “closeness” instead of sexual intimacy. Let me explain: Lizzy and her older sister shared a bed which was sweet…her two younger sisters were locked by the elbow 24/7, there were always dances where you touched strangers, and if you were romantically involved with someone…my gosh. >_< You see, our society is in need of “closeness” everday and we need it from a good amount of people…we have to stop keeping one person responsible for “fixes” a couple of days out of the month you know? It’s SO sad…I see it as extreme lonliness. I mean when it comes to most people I hear about or see these days, they’re either not over someone or they’re lonely as hell. It’s really sad.
You know, this is a bit random but when I was watching a documentary/ interview with Michael Jackson (he was still alive then) it really struck a chord with me when he broke down and said something along the lines of we don’t sit down and have dinners with our fathers anymore, we don’t touch or hug anymore. And when I think about it, he was looked down upon like he was crazy because he was displaying the amount of affection that we should be giving each other. And it’s like some of us are afraid to touch each other because it can be misinterpreted the wrong way…it’s SO hurtful. <3
"When introverts appear reluctant to speak or speak slowly,they often don’t engage extroverts. Extroverts may think (introverts can think this too) that the introverts don’t have anything to contribute. Introverts dislike interrupting, so they might say something softly or without emphasis. Other times comments made by introverts have more depth than the general level of the conversation; because this may make people feel uncomfortable, they ignore the comment. Later another person may say the SAME THING and receive a great response. The introverted person feels unseen. It’s frustrating and confusing for them.
From the outside, many introverts give no hint about the mental gears grinding and meshing inside. In social situations their faces may look impassive or uninterested. Unless they are overwhelmed or they really are disinterested (if the topic is too lightweight), they are usually just thinking about what people are saying. They will share their thoughts if asked.”
There is NOTHING wrong with you. You relate to life through your ideas impressions, hopes, and values. You are NOT at the mercy of your external environment (even though 75% of the world is extroverted 0_o).
And keep in mind that both introverts and extroverts can be shy, schizoid, or highly sensitive. So you can tell whomever to shove it. >_^
Finally someone gets it!!!Now I can give myself a break...0_o
"Let’s now take aim at two of the most common charges lobbed at introverts- that they are self-centered and unsociable. It’s easy to see why introverts can appear self-absorbed or uninterested because we shut down external stimulation when we have had enough. Why? We need to compare external experiences to our own internal experience, attempting to understand new information against our old information. We think, how did that experience affect me? Rather than being self-centered, introverts are often really the opposite. Our ability to focus on our internal world and reflect on what we are feeling allows us to understand the external world and other human beings better. What appears to be self-centeredness is actually the very talent that provides the capacity to understand what it’s like to put ourselves in someone else’s shoes."
"Introverts are not unsociable- they are just social in a different way. Introverts need fewer relationships, but they like more connection and intimacy. Since it takes a great deal of our energy to engage with other people, we are reluctant to need or spend too much energy on socialization. That’s why we don’t enjoy idle chitchat. We prefer meaty conversations which nourish and energize us. Such conversations give us a hit of what happiness researchers call ‘Hap Hits’. When we munch on meaty thoughts, we get a good feeling of satisfaction and enjoyment. Energy conservation is also why we are very interested in other people but sometimes prefer to observe others rather than join them."
(The Introvert Advantage: How to thrive in an extroverted world).
“I…I can’t function here anymore.” My breathing’s out of rhythm. The peach gauze surrenders itself onto the Spanish tile like toilet paper; my foot the holder. I attack the inside of my cheek and readjust my body onto the glossy barstools. I debate resuming my bandage job but the blossoming of rusty crimson on my first two layers of gauze makes me think otherwise. I bulldoze my right fist onto the Formica kitchen countertop; just as he rocks the flimsy screen door against the door frame.
“Come on Phoeb, just let me in.”
My throat seizes, “Just go away, okay?” I glance at him through the thin screen door, knowing that he can’t see me nearly as well as I can see him. His cream collared shirt unravels itself from the leather belt of his khaki pants. His chestnut hair tousles as he forces his palms onto the opposing edges of the screen door.
“Look, I don’t care about what happened. It doesn’t change anything…we’ll deal with it. Phoebe?”
Darkness…receding. “Hey- damnit stay with me! It’s okay Phoebe…everything will be okay.”
“Hah! глупый мальчик. Everyzhing is far from okay.”подруга now is it?”
“Shut the hell up Natasha.”
“Oh now, that’s not nice to say to your little
… “What?” I breathe. His eyes bore through the microscopic squares of the screen door; tension in his jaw and hands, his chest rising harshly. Shit, what did I say this time? I lower my right foot from one of the barstools and slide off of the barstool underneath me. I stand up and support myself, on my left leg, against the kitchen countertop. Shaking, I push the words through my teeth, “Everett. I’ve told you over and over again that you can leave me at anytime. That you should leave me.”
He presses his body against the screen door, palms splayed. “God…how many ways do I have to say it! I’m not going anywhere Phoebe!”
Darkness. “It’s not really worth it, you know? It’s not like you’d be giving up on her- because she’s about to throw in the towel too…It’d be like a joint decision. Or you can look at it as being the most loving gesture ever…let her go. Come on, you know you want to…she’s such a burden to you. Go find yourself a healthy sweetheart. Come on, you know that she’d want you to. And secretly, you’re actually a burden to her too but she’d never tell you that…See? You could both be happy-”
“Are you done you suicidal bitch?”
“Oh Hazel’s just getting started baby-”
…He’s grabbing fistfuls of his hair. “Everett, what are you-”
“You’re picking insanity over me?!”
“What are you talking about?”
“Oh come on Phoeb, you know that they’re apart of you to some degree. So that’s it? You’re just going to take the easy way out? Getting drugged up on sleeping pills and messing around with some imaginary guy in dreamland?”
I ease myself onto the frigid tile, using the back of the suede couch as my support. The edge where the rustic tile and the thick carpet meets pinches my thighs. “News flash Ev; I’m already Cuckoo for Coco Puffs.”
“No, you’re just confused-I can help you. Dorothy and I found this past life regression therapist…we can make things right, we can make you whole again.”
I shake my head back and forth and clench my eyes shut, “ And if it doesn’t work?”
“What if it does?”
I lie down on my back, the breeze from the door overwhelming me. “I can’t keep doing this to you Everett. You deserve better than this-”
“No wait! Listen! I’m only really me for what seems like 25% of the day. God only knows what else I do the rest of the time…for the time when I’m not with you. I have practically ten people living and breathing inside me and it has to stop. I’m a danger to not only myself but those around me. How much longer will I get lucky Everett? How many more lives will I ruin, or take…hell, how much longer can I avoid digging myself an early grave? I can’t think clearly here.. and if this therapist can’t help me I can’t just say, ‘Oh well, I’ll just have to try again.’ No, I’ll end up in some mental institution…ripping my brains out. And even if on the off chance that it does work, yes I’ll be able to be with you…which is amazing. But…then I’ll remember everything and I’ll have to be responsible for everything. Frankly, I don’t know if I’ll be able to recover from that alone. I’m better off just…falling into some coma…”
“That’s not living.”
“I don’t see how what I’m doing right now is any better..any closer to it.”